Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus answered him, “Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow afterward.” Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for Me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied Me three times.” John 13:36-38 ESV

Peter’s intentions were good. He meant what he said; he genuinely believed he was devout enough and brave enough to face anything that came his way in the service of his Master. Problem is, he didn’t fully know his own heart. But Jesus did.

“Then those who had seized Jesus led him to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders had gathered. And Peter was following Him at a distance, as far as the courtyard of the high priest, and going inside he sat with the guards to see the end. … And a servant girl came up to him and said, ‘You also were with Jesus the Galilean.’ But he denied it before them all, saying, ‘I do not know what you mean.’ And when he went out to the entrance, another servant girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, ‘This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ And again he denied it with an oath: ‘I do not know the man.’ After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, ‘Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you.’ Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, ‘I do not know the man.’ And immediately the rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, ‘Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly” (Matthew 26:57-58, 69-75).

Most of us have been there in some form or fashion. In that place where our faith is exposed as weak and wanting. Maybe, like Peter, it’s fear of persecution, or even just rejection, that causes us to push away from Jesus. Maybe it’s the loss of a job or a loved one that causes us to question His sovereignty, kindness, or goodness. Maybe it’s a chronic illness that leaves us shaking our heads, wondering if He really cares. Or if He’s really there. Maybe it’s a failed dream or some other profound disappointment that leads to us self-protecting or outright abandoning Him.

Whatever our specific circumstances, there are things in life that draw back the curtain on the depth of our faith and devotion to Jesus. And it is sad, and it makes sense that Peter wept. But here’s the thing: Jesus isn’t surprised by our lack. That doesn’t mean He isn’t grieved by it; He is. It doesn’t mean we don’t have to repent of it when it happens; we do. But it also doesn’t mean He gives up on us because He doesn’t.

Jesus knew what Peter would do, but on that last night He washed his feet anyway. Jesus knows what you’re going to do too, and He still loves you. Where your faith is weak and wanting, He is leaning in. When you struggle or doubt or are gripped with fear, He remains and is patient. When you wander or outright fail, He will provide ample opportunity for you to return, repent, and be changed.

And just like He did with Peter, He will still use you.

Prayer: Praise Jesus for being faithful when you’re unfaithful. Thank Him for His mercy and grace, and for opportunities to grow. Ask for your faith to increase so you would become the person He’s making you to be. and maybe a little faster.

Excerpt from The Chosen, Book Five, Amanda Jenkins